我阿Q就是天下第一|余世存杂记113

景点排名 2025年09月12日 07:36 3 cc

跟一个兄长聊天。最后也变成了家长里短，我们感叹说，学问也好，地位也好，终究要有立足，要有归宿，一个人的家庭状态至关重要。他跟伴侣的关系，是不是自在和谐？他们如何养生送死，有没有让老人遗憾，让孩子不安？我们说起朋友们的状态，有人就说，某某家似乎不错，某某家似乎是神仙生活。兄长听后停顿片刻回应说，我们也不要羡慕别人，努力尽自己的本分吧，老话说，家家的锅底都是黑的，只不过有人愿意说出来，有人还在隐忍，有人还在努力……

与兄长闲谈，终及家常。喟然叹曰：学问地位，终须立身有所归，家庭之状尤为紧要。夫妇相处，是否自在和谐？奉养送终，可曾令老人遗恨，孩童不安？言及友侪境况，或谓某家似善，某家若神仙生活。兄长默然片刻，对曰：毋羡他人，但尽己分。俗语云：家家锅底有黑，惟或直言，或隐忍，或竭力耳……

I was chatting with an elder brother, and our conversation turned to family matters. We sighed that knowledge and status must ultimately have a foundation and a destination—one’s family condition is crucial. Is his relationship with his partner free and harmonious? How do they care for the living and bury the dead? Have they caused regret for the elders or anxiety for the children? When we mentioned the state of our friends, some said that so-and-so’s family seemed well-off, and another’s life seemed heavenly. After a pause, the brother responded: We should not envy others but strive to fulfill our duties. As the old saying goes, every family has its hidden troubles—some are willing to speak out, some endure in silence, and some are still striving...

一个海淀区的孩子在抑郁病态里对他的海淀妈妈说：妈妈，你得继续学习，你得知道人类创伤的复杂性和必然性。我的创伤是整个社会和整个文明的创伤，不是简单的海淀区青少年的创伤，并非可疗愈的东西。看到这段话，我非常震撼，这个孩子一下子抵达了真相，人所具有的我都具有。我越来越理解一个朋友的话，有多少爸爸妈妈配做他们孩子的父母？

海淀一子抑郁，谓其母曰：母当勤学，须知人类创痛之繁复与必然。儿之创伤，乃全社会、全文明之创，非止海淀少年之疾，岂可疗治？见此言，吾甚震撼，童子竟顿悟真相，人之所有我皆有。益明友人之语：几多父母堪为子女之父母耶？

A child from Haidian, in a state of depression, said to his Haidian mother: Mom, you must continue learning; you need to understand the complexity and inevitability of human trauma. My trauma is that of the entire society and civilization—not merely the trauma of Haidian youth—and it is not something that can be cured. Reading this, I was deeply shocked; this child instantly reached the truth: what belongs to humanity belongs to me. I increasingly understand a friend’s words: How many parents are truly worthy of being parents to their children?

一个小朋友哭诉好朋友不再跟他玩，因为好友的父母，他认识多年的叔叔阿姨认为他习惯不好而禁止孩子跟他玩。大家议论起来都摇头，这样的父母不怕自己的孩子觉悟了鄙视他们的势利吗？其实他们已经被审判了，这个小朋友就认定叔叔阿姨们虚伪。

一童子泣诉：好友不复与游，因其父母——相识多年之叔姨——谓其习气不善，禁子与之玩。众人议之皆摇首，如是父母，岂不畏其子他日省悟，鄙其势利乎？实则彼已受审，童子即断叔姨之虚伪。

A child tearfully complained that his good friend no longer plays with him because the friend’s parents—uncle and aunt whom he has known for years—deem his habits bad and forbid their child to play with him. Everyone shook their heads in discussion: Aren’t such parents afraid that their child might one day realize and despise their snobbery? In fact, they have already been judged; the child has concluded that the uncle and aunt are hypocritical.

我曾经说，中国的男人都是闰土或阿Q。有人说，阿Q其实有两种结局，以鲁迅的深刻他只是写出来一种。这一个或这一类阿Q是自欺欺人的，是短命的。还有一类，应该是通达的，随时能够把坏消息坏心情消化掉，能够自己治愈，迅速把外界的不友好挡住，给自己营造一个平和舒适的精神家园，这也是精神胜利法，这一类阿Q就能够长命。近几年流行安顿、躺平、佛系，其实流行的就是这类阿Q精神。

吾尝言：中国男子皆若闰土或阿Q。或云：阿Q实有二结局，鲁迅之深刻，仅书其一。此一类阿Q自欺欺人，寿短。尚有另一类，乃通达者，能随时消解恶讯烦忧，自愈，速蔽外界之非善，自营平和舒适之神园，此亦精神胜利法，斯类阿Q则得长寿。近岁流行安顿、躺平、佛系，实则此阿Q精神盛行。

I once said that Chinese men are all like Runtu or Ah Q. Some say Ah Q actually has two endings; given Lu Xun’s profundity, he only wrote one. This type of Ah Q is self-deceptive and short-lived. There is another kind—enlightened—able to digest bad news and moods at any time, self-heal, quickly block external unfriendliness, and create a peaceful and comfortable spiritual home for themselves. This is also the spirit of victory, and this kind of Ah Q can live long. In recent years, practices like “settling down,” “lying flat,” and “Buddha-like” have become popular—essentially, this Ah Q spirit is trending.

有人观察说，人到中年，夫妻之间要么相敬如宾，有了边界，是淡漠也是冷漠；要么一方完胜一方彻底臣服，随时看见臣服者没有了心气一副低眉顺眼的非人样子。一个导演朋友反驳，其实人到中年，还有第三种可能，那就是更相爱，他举例说当年是他粘太太，现在他太太粘他，散步时还经常出其不意地给他熊抱……他们的二人世界比年轻时更上一层楼了。在场的人几乎都流露出羡慕嫉妒恨的神情。

或观曰：人至中年，夫妇或相敬如宾，有界而淡漠，亦或冷漠；或一方全胜，一方臣服，但见服者无气，低眉顺眼，状若非人。一导演友驳之：实则中年尚有第三可能，即更相爱。彼举例云：昔时吾粘妻，今则妻粘吾，漫步时常突施熊抱……二人之界，较年少时更胜。在座者几皆露羡妒之色。

Some observe that in middle age, couples either respect each other like guests—with boundaries, becoming indifferent or cold—or one completely dominates while the other submits, with the submissive one appearing spiritless, meek, and almost inhuman. A director friend refuted this: Actually, there is a third possibility in middle age—loving each other more. He gave an example: In the past, I clung to my wife; now she clings to me, often giving me surprise bear hugs during walks... Their world for two has reached a higher level than in their youth. Almost everyone present showed expressions of envy and jealousy.

到内蒙做活动，当地朋友说起生活习俗，说男孩子不能太瘦，如果一家父母给女儿找对象，太瘦的男孩就没有优势，胖一点的男孩好，厚道；太瘦的男孩靠不住。这个观念虽然有一定的地域性，但似乎也很有道理。

赴内蒙古活动，当地友人言习俗云：男子不可过瘦。若父母为女择偶，瘦男则无优势，微胖者佳，厚道；瘦男难倚。此观念虽具地域性，似亦颇有理。

While attending an event in Inner Mongolia, a local friend mentioned customs: boys should not be too thin. If parents are seeking a partner for their daughter, a too-thin boy is at a disadvantage; a slightly plump boy is better—honest and reliable; a thin boy is undependable. Although this notion has regional characteristics, it seems quite reasonable.